Yesterday I went to a wedding. It was my house-helper's husband's older sister's daughter's wedding. I have never met her! Well, I met her briefly yesterday but until then hadn't met her. In Nepal knowing someone isn't necessarily a prerequisite for attending their wedding, it seems. As long as you know someone who knows someone who knows someone...
It was a church wedding (i.e. not a Hindu wedding), and it really wasn't that different from weddings I have been to back home. It started an hour late. The bride wore a white dress and veil and carried flowers, and the groom had a black suit on. Each had 1 attendant. They exchanged rings and vows (though they stood up one at a time to say their vows, and faced the audience, while the other continued to sit). The format of the service/ceremony was definitely recognizable to me. It was a bit longer than other weddings I've been to (about 2 hours), but otherwise was pretty similar. There was even a cake at the end, which they cut at the front of the church and fed each other a piece of. I haven't yet been to a Hindu wedding here (though they are much more common), but I know that the brides wear red, and the "ceremony" is very different than what I'm used to. There are no rings exchanged. The symbol of marriage is a red powder that is smeared on the forehead and along the area at the front of the hair where it parts. Married women also wear special beaded necklaces and longer kurta tops with their outfits than unmarried women. More on Hindu weddings whenever I end up going to one!
Most marriages in Nepal are arranged marriages. Traditionally, the bride would get married off quite young (as a teenager, or sometimes even younger in the villages), and would not have met the groom before the wedding day. I'm told that at most weddings the bride is far from the happy, radiant bride that we're used to seeing in the west. Usually she is crying, her head is bowed, and she is clinging to her mother, because she really doesn't want to go with her husband. These days it's more common for the bride and groom to have met and interacted a bit in public before their wedding day, so at least they are not complete strangers. But still most of the "getting to know each other" happens after the knot has been tied.
Usually the couple moves into the husband's parents' home after they are married. Which is partly why the bride is so sad...she is leaving her mother's home and going to his mother's home. Traditionally, especially in the villages, the daughter-in-law would become not much more than a servant in the mother-in-law's home, and if she had still been in school at the time, that would be the end of her education. Again, things are changing, especially in the city. I'm not sure what the plan is for this couple.
There are both arranged marriages and "love marriages" in Nepal these days, though arranged marriages are much more common. As far as I can tell, most people's perspective is that the arranged marriages are better...they last longer, and ultimately people are happier, even though it's hard at first. Maybe that's because the concept of "love marriage" has come from Western TV and movies for the most part, and the picture they paint is of a marriage that is full of passion, and once the passion is gone, the marriage ends. The divorce rate is starting to increase in Nepal, and people attribute that to the increasing number of love marriages. I believe this was an arranged marriage, and that the bride and groom had met (albeit briefly) before the wedding. She looked reasonably happy...certainly not glowing with happiness, and her head was bowed for almost the entire ceremony (not sure if that's what she's supposed to do, or if that's because of how she was feeling), but she wasn't crying, and there were a few smiles towards the end.
In the Nepali language, there are different forms and verb conjugations you use to address someone, depending on their status related to you. It's kind of like in French where you say "vous" instead of "tu" to a person whom you respect. In Nepali it's "Tapaai" for the respectful form and "timi" for the more familiar/lower form. I had asked my language teacher about what form husbands and wives use with each other, so I already knew that the husband says "timi" to his wife, while the wife says "tapaai" to her husband. They did this in the vows, which was the first time I had really heard or noticed it. Nobody thinks anything of it...it's just the way they do it.
I took a bunch of photos, but most of them really just look like random wedding photos. Here are a few that I like, though. The church was decorated for the occasion. This was at the front (the Nepali writing means "Holy Wedding"):
The bride's father walked her down the aisle. I took this one because I wanted you to note the winter coat and hat, which are much more necessary inside than outside at that time of day! The bride must have been freezing in there in only her dress. I had about 4 layers on, top and bottom, plus 2 pairs of socks and slippers (you ALWAYS take your shoes off in Nepali church), and I was just barely warm enough.
This little guy must have been somehow related to one of the people getting married. I'm guessing it's the groom, because everyone in the groom's family seemed to have these scarves around their necks (the groom had his on for the whole ceremony), and it was only afterwards that the bride also had one on (maybe symbolizing that she is now part of his family, but I'm not sure). I liked that he had on a suit, running shoes, and a pink flowery hat!
Finally, I have no idea who this man is, but I took the photo to show the traditional hat, or topi, that men wear in Nepal.
After the ceremony there was a big dal bhaat meal. Since I have a white face, I was escorted into a back room where the "important" people were served their meal. The others had to stand in line for a long time for theirs. I was thankful that one other bideshi was also there. She had come because her house helper is the bride's mother. A bit more of a direct connection than I had! It was great that we were both there, because then we could look lost together, and talk together during the time we were waiting for the ceremony to start (and wonder whether it would be one hour late, 2 hours late, or more), and speculate together about what was going on. It made it more fun, because once the others at the wedding got us settled where we were supposed to sit, they largely ignored us. Not because they were being mean or rude...just because it's pretty normal for that to happen. So it was nice that we were there together and that we could experience it together.
