Yesterday when I got home from my language class, my landlady's whole family was in the courtyard area of the house. I said hi to them, and went up to my flat. As I did, I saw that her son had shaved his head. I was curious...had he shaved it because of lice or something? I had no idea.
Then a few minutes later, he knocked on my door. He handed me a plate of food and told me that his family had made this special food for that day and they wanted to give me some. I thanked him, with a big smile on my face. Then he told me that it was his father's 5-year anniversary. So with an even bigger smile on my face, I very enthusiastically said, "That's great!" And thanked him again for the food. It was yummy food - curried veggies and spinach, some kind of legumes with spices and cilantro, roti (flatbread), some kind of deep friend dough thing that I have no idea what it was, and rice pudding (mixed with ghee - which is this really fatty thing - almonds, cashews, and probably coconut milk).
It wasn't until I had closed the door after offering my hearty congratulations that I realized he was talking about the 5-year anniversary of his father's death. Oops! Maybe I shouldn't have been quite so happy and enthusiastic! Oh well...ke garne! ("What to do?") Such blunders happen when you're living overseas in a different culture. I'm hoping that this family has had enough exposure to bideshis by now that they're not shocked when we do dumb things like that. But I'm not sure! Live and learn...
The "death anniversary" is something that is "celebrated" (not quite the right word) by Hindu families. They come together on the anniversary of the death of a loved one. The sons shave their heads, and they prepare and eat a special meal together. A priest comes and they do "puja" (worship) to the spirit of their deceased loved one, offering up some of the food they have made. They do this partly to ensure that the spirit of the deceased person is taken care of in the "in-between" life (before reincarnation), and also so that the spirit of the deceased relative won't come back and haunt them.
I did ask my language teacher today a bit about the death anniversary, and was reassured to know that although the 1-year death anniversary (and apparently also the 45 day anniversary) is a solemn occasion, after that it is just something that they do...it's neither happy nor sad. So while they certainly weren't celebrating happily, at least I didn't just congratulate people who were in deep mourning. Whew!
